


Orthogonal

by Alethia



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: Challenge Response, F/M, First Dates, Inspired by Poetry, Two Endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-30
Updated: 2004-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-11 16:31:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alethia/pseuds/Alethia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was a fuck-up and that was all there was to it. Or, conversely, he salvaged things pretty well, all told.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Orthogonal

**Author's Note:**

> Orthogonal: Of or relating to a matrix whose transpose equals its inverse. Written for 1000whispers: The CSI T.S. Eliot Challenge. The excerpt is from the poem, "La Figlia Che Piange" by TS Eliot. Originally posted on LJ [here](http://alethialia.livejournal.com/71348.html).

It hadn’t been very long. One kiss at the fair and he’d barely touched her since. Hell, barely been alone with her since.

Calleigh was getting damn good at avoiding him.

So, in the spirit of his new straightforward self, he’d confronted her about it and had somehow managed to convince her to go out with him. No smoke screen, ‘just friends’ crap. An honest to God, real date. That they both acknowledged was a date.

He was pretty damn impressed with himself, he had to say. Even he didn’t know how he’d talked her into it. It was probably the guilt.

Catholics knew all about that.

So that was how he found himself at Calleigh’s door, waiting for her to answer so they could go out to the latest club scene. It was almost like the old days with Speed, before Speed had decided to drop off the face of the Earth. Weird and Eric teased him about the mystery girl all the time, but Speed just ignored him and disappeared. Eric would almost feel abandoned if he weren’t so wrapped up in this thing with Calleigh.

Which could now officially be called a thing. Because it was a date and even she couldn’t deny that, despite her admirable powers of denial.

And—finally!—she opened the door and—

Fucking hell.

He was never going to make it through tonight. And they were going to a club? What the hell had he been thinking? Yes, Calleigh in a club was a nice image, good in theory, but Eric’s brain wasn’t going to survive a night looking at Calleigh in a turquoise _dress_.

He couldn’t remember ever seeing her in a dress before. Presumably she owned one, but the idea that she might wear a dress never even crossed his mind. If it had he might have reconsidered the club thing because—wait, was he going to have to touch her? There was no way he was going to be able to touch her with her looking like—that—and not embarrass himself horribly.

And it was a nice dress—formfitting up top and kind of fanning out. The color looked good on her, cleavage not wholly unexpected, but man, those legs. Her legs were going to de distracting him for weeks. He was never going to get _anything_ done. 

It wasn’t like it was short. Not by any means. But Eric couldn’t _ever_ remember seeing Calleigh’s bare legs. 

And showing off an ankle used to be scandalous. Yup. Totally got it.

“Eric, you’re staring.”

He nodded, still mesmerized. “Yes. Yes I am.”

She could still blush, looking away in embarrassment at him admitting as much.

“You look beautiful,” he said earnestly, catching her gaze and keeping it.

She inclined her head in acceptance of that. “And you look very handsome.”

Was he wearing something?

He looked down. Nothing out of the ordinary—black pants, maybe a nicer shirt than usual. But then, Calleigh’d never been clubbing with him and Speed.

“So. You ready?” he asked, still trying to shake himself out of his stupor.

“You betcha.” With that she grabbed her purse and locked the door behind her, smiling at him tightly.

He softened his in return and put a hand on the small of her back as they walked out to his car. He didn’t miss her shiver at that, but he didn’t say anything about it, either. 

Best not to go there. Yet.

***

A club really had been a mistake. Yes, it sounded good in theory: lots of people, loud music, so if things turned truly awkward there would be an excuse not to talk. 

But talking had never been their problem and with so many people, it was like they were alone in a crowd. And with dancing came touching and holding and yeah, that might have been too far for what was technically their first date.

To make things even worse, he couldn’t have any alcohol. Not that Calleigh had ever said as much, but he’d been around her long enough to know that it still made her uncomfortable. But, God, how it would have helped things loosen up.

She was nestled against him, swaying slowly to the music, but he couldn’t ignore the barely-there tension he could still feel, even if she did have her arms wrapped around him, every other outward sign of enjoying herself there.

He sighed internally and shifted her closer, running a hand down her back. And there was that interesting shiver again, only making her tense up even more.

He squeezed her briefly, before loosening his hold and looking down at her. “Do you want me to take you home?” he asked softly, gentle smile letting her off the hook.

And she actually looked surprised at the question, which Eric would admit made him feel a little better. Nice to know he could still surprise her. 

“No. Why would you think that?”

He shrugged and pulled her close again, this time speaking directly into her ear. “You don’t seem like you’re having a good time.”

“Eric—of course I’m having a good time. It’s just—”

“Dinner and a movie might have been a better idea?” he asked with a grin, eliciting a laugh.

“Maybe.” Not a little bit of humor there and at least they could laugh through the awkwardness. It might even give him another chance, a shot at making it up to her.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking that myself. This is too—”

“Intense?”

He laughed again, swinging her out and back in, only to dip her at the last minute. “I was going to say ‘too much pressure,’ but intense works.”

She laughed again, wrapping her arms around him and leaning in, seeming to have relaxed a bit. “Well, I must say, Mr. Delko, at the very least I now know what a fine dancer you are.” Southern twang played up and he couldn’t help but grin down at her.

“Cuban,” he reminded.

She huffed and lightly hit him on the arm. “And you know as well as I that not every Cuban in the world is a twinkle toes.”

He put his fingers over her mouth. “Speak no evil,” he said solemnly.

She rolled her eyes and pulled away, hitting him again, but she was laughing and that soothed him, reassured him that the night could turn out better than he’d been thinking. And now she was totally relaxed and pliant in his arms, so maybe that was the secret: keeping her distracted.

He swayed with her, liking how she followed him, stupid to feel that proprietary streak yet again, but there it was.

The song ended and he stepped away, twining their fingers together and grinning at her. Some faster music started up and she looked a little tense around the eyes so he pulled her close again and squeezed her hand.

“Want to take a break?”

She almost looked grateful as she nodded and he led her off the floor, over to an empty spot at the bar. He leaned back against it and smiled, nodding toward the bar.

“Want anything?”

She shook her head. “Thanks. You know, I think I’m gonna go to the little girls room.”

He grinned again and watched as she walked off, noticing the other turned heads as she passed by. Flash of annoyance at that—totally irrational—but what did he expect? She looked hot.

Eric people-watched while she was gone, looking away whenever some girl tried to catch his eye. He felt kind of bad about that, but he was here with who he wanted.

And then Calleigh was there, in a flash of blonde and turquoise and he grinned at her, raising an eyebrow at the air of amusement she was now sporting.

“What?”

“The girls in the bathroom were talking about you,” she said mischievously, watching him with a wicked glimmer of humor in her eyes.

“What? What’d they say?” he asked, looking around suspiciously.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Calleigh…” he said warningly.

“Eric…” she sing-songed back, grinning now.

“You’re mean, you know that?”

“Awww. Don’t I feel so terrible for you?”

“C’mon,” he whined, knowing it and not caring.

She grinned again. “All right, all right. I didn’t catch all of it, but the basic idea was that you were _so hot_.”

Eric looked around again and grinned. “Really?”

“Yep.” Calculating look. “Why, you interested?”

He felt his face heat, but leveled a serious look at her. “Nope. And in the spirit of fairness, you’ve been getting some looks tonight, too.” He let his eyes slide down her body admiringly, smiling at her cocked head and haughty look. 

That was different, but he wasn’t about to complain.

Eric grabbed her hand again and pulled her forward, close, _way_ into personal space, wrapping an arm around her waist and fingering the exposed skin of her back. She shivered again, up close, and he smiled, kissing her nose lightly.

“Think we’re making them jealous?” he asked, settling her against him more comfortably.

She looked around, probably uneasy that people were watching them, and he squeezed her hand to get her attention. 

“Hey. C’mon, they don’t matter.”

She looked back quickly with the air of someone trying to come to a decision. Her face firmed. “You wanna get out of here?”

Eric blinked, not expecting that one at _all_. “Um, sure.”

“Wonderful. Let’s go.” She stepped back and pulled him after her, ignoring the looks that got her and heading toward the door. Eric let himself be led, not surprised that she was taking charge, couldn’t help but let the smirk show. Not that she was looking.

The knowing looks he got from other guys, though, that was kind of irritating. What, these people didn’t have anything better to do?

He forgot all about that when they got to his car and Calleigh smiled at him in _that_ way, that way he liked and rarely saw. He opened her door gallantly and made sure she was okay before hurrying around, getting in and starting the car.

He paused, turning to her curiously, but she cut him off easily. “My place.” Simple and to the point. Okay.

Still didn’t answer his question, though. Was he dropping her off? Was this over? Was she mad at him?

He hated second-guessing himself. Calleigh really wasn’t a help with that.

All too soon, he had driven her home, parking near her apartment. He walked her up to her door, silence becoming a little awkward at the end of their first official date. Great. Just what he needed.

She turned to open the door, looked back once she had and her mouth firmed again. Eric waited, anticipating the short, terse dismissal that Calleigh was so expert at. He really didn’t know how he was going to make up this one. Messing up their first official date? That was pretty damn bad. He didn’t know what he was gonna do. He was—

He was kissing Calleigh—soft lips on his, teasing, more urgent than he expected. Okay.

His mind was having a bit of a hard time with that, actually, and he’d never truly appreciated automatic pilot until now and that was a terrible thing. Because his body responded exactly like it was supposed to and Calleigh would never even know that he was a couple steps behind her.

Not that he was having the best luck following that thought, either, considering Calleigh was still kissing him, pulling him close and into her apartment, door banging shut distractedly behind him. 

And Calleigh’s mouth was—something to write songs about, worship, beatify. Distracting. That was a good word, moving against his own, tiny little licks driving him out of his mind and he got a hand in her hair and pulled her closer, opening his mouth, taking control, claiming.

Tongue dipping softly in her mouth, over and over, reveling in the taste, the way she reacted, clutching at his shoulders and trying to _pull_ him to her. So not happening and when had they gotten to her bed?

Didn’t want to take any attention away from that mouth and quick hands stealing their way under his shirt and up his back, stroking and tickling and he couldn’t help it, he had to laugh.

Looked down at her when he caught his breath, liking that new edge to her eyes, the one that told all about lust and want and fire and that he’d never gotten to see. Leaned down for another kiss, hotter, more urgent, tongues dueling and he broke away, helping her get his shirt off, liking the way her hands felt on his skin, liking how she felt pressed underneath him.

Kissed a trail down her neck, down low between her breasts, didn’t linger too long, came back up and teased her shoulder, nipping at her playfully, tasting salt and Calleigh and a tang that had to be some kind of perfume.

And now she was making breathy little sounds, desperate but with an edge, sharp and it was so possible he could hurt himself there.

Broke away again and looked down at her, hand on her face stilling her movements.

“Calleigh…”

She pulled him down until they were kissing again, his eyes still watching her, taking in her taste, learning it, imprinting it so he would never forget. Kisses no less urgent, but more…focused. Something.

Hands on his belt a whole new level of unexpected and he made a sound in the back of his throat, embarrassing and bruised, and he hoped she didn’t hear that because it really wasn’t flattering. 

Against his will his fingers found the catch to her dress, pulled the zipper down slowly, finding more smooth skin and running light fingertips over it, that shiver reappearing. 

Pulled off the rest of the dress and Calleigh helped him get her out of it, wiggling it down her hips in a way that just—blew his mind. Not that he could think much about that with Calleigh laying there in a black, lacy number that whispered to Eric of premeditation. 

Not that he was paying attention to his rational mind at _all_.

Groaned and leaned down to kiss her again, spending time reacquainting himself with her lips, letting hands run free, fingers dip into valleys, explore hipbones and follow smooth curves.

“So gorgeous,” he whispered, placing soft kisses on her chin, neck, lips set on exploring and by the noises she was making, hell, he didn’t think she was gonna complain. Learned the swell of her breasts, the way her breath caught when he scraped his teeth between them.

Calleigh easily got his pants undone and all his mind could supply was “steady hands” before it shut down completely at the feel of Calleigh wrapping a hand around his already hard cock. Jesus Christ, he was never going to survive this.

Not that he needed to. Completed his life and all that.

She stroked experimentally and he groaned again, leaning over to kiss her, his own hands shaking over too-small clasps. She wasn’t helping at all, stroking randomly and trying to push his pants down at the same time, eyes hard and bright, watching.

Shut briefly when he ran a thumb underneath her breast, cupping her and pinching a nipple thoughtfully. Eric made quick work of her panties and that was it. Calleigh was naked. In bed. With him.

He was gonna have a breakdown any second now. He was just waiting for it.

A blur and the world tilted, became fuzzy and somehow he was on his back, Calleigh straddling his thighs with a triumphant smile, hands tracing the muscles in his chest, moving slowly downward.

Any second.

Hands plucking at his pants and boxers made him shift his hips up and her hand was back on him before he even kicked them all the way off, stroking in that maddening rhythm, eyes still pinning him to the bed.

He ran hands up to her hips, liking how they fit right there, the way her skin was so soft underneath his fingertips. She smiled briefly before she leaned down and kissed him again, hand still working and if she kept that up things were really gonna be cut way too short.

“Calleigh—stop,” he gasped out, breaking away from her lips and trying not to come through force of will and years of experience combined.

The first time in her bed he was going to damn well be inside her when he came.

He breathed in a few times, smelling sweat and them, and that really didn’t help so much with that whole getting a semblance of control thing. Pushed that away and just breathed, calming himself before looking back up at her, catching the tail end of an intense look he didn’t recognize. Couldn’t puzzle that out when there were more… _immediate_ concerns.

“Do you have—” but she was already up and moving, pulling out a bedside drawer and coming back with condom in hand. Foil gone and before he even had time to get a breath Calleigh was sinking slowly down onto him, hot and wet and turning him right back into a horny teenager that couldn’t even _do_ anything before coming.

“Fuck,” he breathed, holding her hips still, gritting his teeth, totally present in the feeling of Calleigh surrounding him.

Sucked in a breath as she leaned down and kissed him, tongue distracting him from how dangerously close he was to having bad sex with Calleigh Duquesne.

Finally he was okay, squeezed her hips lightly and she smiled a half smile before pulling up and sinking back down onto him, over and over, setting up a rhythm that was maddeningly in its simplicity.

Eric couldn’t help but arch up, groan her name, keep his hands on her hips and try to stay along for the ride, wet heat around him doing its very best to drive him to distraction, Calleigh twisting down onto him in an honest to God _obscene_ way, pleased, sounds escaping her, picture way more than any fantasy he’d ever been able to come up with.

Which was a sad thing, but he was having _sex_ with _Calleigh_ , so he wasn’t gonna pick apart his sad fantasy life.

He bucked up, thrusting up to meet her, and the little moan he got for that was _worth_ it, rhythm picking up, letting Eric participate, watching as she threw her head back, blonde hair brushing against his knees as he fucked up into her.

Sat up and tongued a nipple, mouth closing around and biting lightly, squeezing another moan out of her, interesting clench around him. Did it again, and brought a hand between her legs, searching, circling, teasing her right where it counted and the shudders came constantly, no filter on all the noise she was making until suddenly she sort of moaned and squeezed tight around him, shivering through her orgasm, sight of her forehead scrunched in concentration enough to tip him over the edge, final thrust up into her still clenched body, orgasm pouring into her like thousands of tiny starbursts under every inch of skin.

Amazing and right and unimaginable, mind a total white-out until he felt her roll off of him, lay panting by his side, quiet. Reached a hand over and stroked down her back, soothing even as his heart was pounding _hard_ , still coming down, hand trying to urge her closer and she was having none of it.

Shrugged off his hand and turned over, sigh a little more worrisome than he expected after sex.

“Calleigh?” he asked, still a little breathless and not hiding it very well, scent of them _all over_ and no way to get away from it. Not that he wanted to. No, he was all for more of that. Any way she liked and as often as possible.

Brief look in response and it didn’t hit him until then that throughout the whole thing she’d _never said a word_.

That was—definitely not normal and had Eric been on his game he would have _noticed_ something like that, known it was off.

Eric still looking a question and Calleigh avoiding it, eyes hard again and Eric just now realizing that might not be a _good_ thing.

“Calleigh?” he asked again, urgency tingeing his voice, bleeding through, heart racing in a way that was far less pleasant.

Fucked up that every impulse in his body was contradicting another—tension and satiation, worry and relaxation, and all the adrenaline was making him kind of loopy, and yet still totally clear.

“Eric.” She sat up and pulled the comforter around her—like that was even necessary—and just looked at him, head cocked, like she was studying a particularly interesting piece of evidence and nothing more.

“Calleigh, you okay?”

“Of course. But I think you should go.”

Just looked at her and that—did not compute. She wanted him to leave? What, was the sex bad?

“Go?”

“Home. This was probably a bad idea.”

“Bad idea.” And if Eric could get any bit of original thought back any time soon—well, that would be great.

“I like you, Eric. We’re friends. We shouldn’t complicate things.” Because _having sex_ before having this conversation didn’t complicate things _at all_.

“Calleigh.” Admonishing, but he couldn’t help himself. What was this? Was she satisfying a curiosity? Maybe. Because she’d been giving him that look all throughout, but everything had been normal until they’d gotten to her apartment.

Eric would really appreciate it if someone would tell him what the fuck was going on.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Eric. You should go.”

He shook his head and looked at her again, nothing there but bland disinterest, a brand that he was never going to forget. He sat up and took off the condom, throwing it in the wastebasket nearby. He looked at her, brows furrowed, and when she didn’t react he shook his head again, dressing quickly.

Maybe it was too soon? Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed it?

But she’d pulled him in, she’d kissed _him_ , and she’d taken control. She could have stopped it at any time, but now it wasn’t a good idea?

He pulled on his clothes, trying to get back some control, some sort of protection against— _this_. This feeling that was just getting worse and he couldn’t remember ever in his life feeling this bad after he’d just gotten laid, head hurting and stomach doing this weird rolling thing.

He dressed and looked at her, trying to ignore the way her clothes were scattered over the floor, the way the room still reeked of sex, the way he could still picture her moving on top of him, still hear her moans, taste her skin. Like a particularly vivid movie that was never gonna end. 

Eric might have considered that a good thing had this turned out differently.

Had to try again. “Calleigh, what’s going on?”

“Never mind, Eric. Just a simple mistake. We’re better friends than that, right?” Pause to make her point clear. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

“Yeah. See you,” he said softly, admitting defeat but not seeing any other way, walking out the door, hearing it snick close behind him, the sound far too final for his liking. 

And—that was never going to happen again. It hit him suddenly, forceful and sharp, slicing him open and leaving him to bleed out. Never again and he’d somehow managed to fuck up the best thing he had going without even knowing it.

But that was who he was, and that was what he did, and the anguish was only right and proper. Fitting. Because he’d managed to alienate the one person he’d wanted and after that? Nothing else seemed of great importance.

He was a screw-up and he always would be and he couldn’t be trusted with other people because things always ended just like this.

Just like this.

***

So I would have had him leave,  
So I would have had her stand and grieve,  
So he would have left  
As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised,  
As the mind deserts the body it has used.

***

“You wanna get out of here?”

Uh, okay. Eric was confused. Calleigh had seemed like she’d been enjoying herself, but hell, it wasn’t like he could read her very well tonight.

“Everything okay?” he asked softly, worry coloring his tone.

She looked at him like he’d surprised her again, like it was something unexpected. “Yeah. I don’t know. It’s been a long week.”

He squeezed, his arms still wrapped around her, and smiled comfortingly. “Too many shifts, too little sleep will get to anybody. Even to dedicated, ace CSIs like yourself.”

Thankfully, she didn’t take offense, smiling lightly, visibly softening around the edges.

“But we should go. It’s not like this isn’t here any time we want it,” he said, smiling and trailing a finger down her jaw.

She nodded, stepping back and Eric briefly mourned the loss of the contact, but smiled again when she took his hand and didn’t let go. They walked out together, skirting the ecstatic tangle of the dance floor, and Eric breathed deeply when they got outside, liking the moderately cooler air after the overheated club.

Neither of them broke the silence they’d lapsed into as they walked to his car, Calleigh only murmuring a quiet “thank you” when he opened her door. He drove her home just as quietly, but hell, at least it wasn’t a tense, awkward silence.

The night could have gone better, but it seemed to smooth out toward the end and hey, Eric wasn’t about to complain about that. Potential disaster seemingly averted, he was a happy man.

Eric walked her to her door, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips, smiling slightly before kissing it softly.

She rolled her eyes and pulled him closer, stretching up to kiss him soundly on the lips. Eric went with it, leaning in and running a hand through her hair, thumb tracing along her neck. He stopped before it went any further than that, kissing her softly again before releasing her.

She turned toward the door, but stopped suddenly and turned back. “I enjoyed tonight, Eric,” she said softly, like it was important.

He scoffed. “Which part, the tense dancing or the exhausted commiseration?”

She laughed, shaking her head and leaning up to kiss him again. “The part where I was with you.”

“And I thought that was my line,” he grinned, winking conspiratorially.

She laughed and shook her head, and he took the opportunity to pull her close again, feathering kisses all around her mouth. He indulged in one last kiss before he stepped back, grinning.

“I better go now or I’m never getting out of here,” he joked.

She smiled mischievously. “You don’t have to.”

Eric kind of laughed a little at that, shock making him a little careless and he regretted it instantly, seeing the flicker in her eyes that said nothing good. He pulled her close again, feeling the tense set to her shoulders, and kissed her until she’d relaxed a little.

“Hey. Don’t get me wrong. You are an almost-unbearable temptation. And I want to. But I shouldn’t.” Mouth on hers again, lingering, but Eric didn’t let it get _too_ intense. 

He hoped he hadn’t damaged things, seeing that wounded look he knew so well from Hagen. But this was best and he wasn’t gonna compromise on it. Not that he could tell her that.

“See you tomorrow, Calleigh.”

“Yeah. See you.” Subdued and maybe a little sad, but that didn’t equal angry and that was a good day in Eric’s opinion. 

There was time enough.

***

Fin. Feedback is adored.


End file.
